Results tagged “terrorism” from The Daily Nugget

On the CIA website, they have a "Terrorist Buster" logo that is a essentially a cartoon ninja (or is it a Mexican luchador!) waving a machine gun while walking through the international "forbidden" symbol. Yeah, that'll show those terrorists! I would love to tell you that this is not your tax dollars at work, but this shit is totally real. Still, you gotta admit, ninjas are freakin' awesome!

They don't hate us for our freedom, they hate us for our crappy Photoshopping skills. Via BoingBoing.

Five years after 9/11 and now the media is running special features asking if we are safer. The honest answer is probably not. We're a lot more inconvenienced (no hair gel on planes), but not any safer from terrorism now than we were on that fateful day. In fact, the opposite is probably true. According to polls, 25% of Americans believe that we were safer before 9/11, and I'll have to agree with that. Our treatment of muslim prisoners in Abu Ghraib and other prisons has incensed muslims all over the world and now things have gone from bad to worse.

Still, don't believe the fear mongering and stress about your death at the hands of muslim extremists. Annual mortality rates for "death by terrorism" are still pretty low. According to a recent Wired blog posting, here are some annual mortality rates extrapolated from Highway Safety and National Vital Statistics reports:

Driving off the road: 254,419
Falling: 146,542
Accidental poisoning: 140,327
Dying from work (or at work): 59,730
Walking down the street: 52,000
Accidentally drowning: 38,302
Killed by the flu: 19,415
Dying from a hernia: 16,742
Accidental firing of a gun: 8,536
Electrocution: 5,171
Being shot by law enforcement: 3,949
Terrorism: 3,147
Carbon monoxide in products: 1,554

According to this list, you stand a better chance of being shot by a cop than by a terrorist. Hey, they are there to "protect and serve" after all. Just try and be the one getting protected and not the the one getting served. Amazingly, this list doesn't include Centers for Disease Control data that lists all the people that die from heart disease and cancer. Those things are also worse than terrorism. Well, the Bush administration's foreign policy is pretty bad for us too, but I digress.

My advice, vote for a new Democratic President in 2008, stop stressing about terrorism, and start jogging. You'll live longer.

By now you've heard of the foiled terrorist plot to board planes with liquid explosives at London Heathrow. Well, because the plot involved taking liquid explosives aboard planes in carry-ons, passengers at all U.S. and British airports are banned from taking any liquids onto planes. So, if liquids may be explosive, why are there pictures of TSA agents dumping liquids into trash cans in the middle of crowded security lines. One guy was even opening the containers and dumping them into a trash can, essentially mixing chemicals in the trash can itself. Genius. Funny, I don't feel safer now that my Aquafina bottle is gone, just thirsty.

"Calling Dr. Bombay, Calling Dr. Bombay! Emergency! Emergency! Come Right Away!"
-- Samantha (Elizabeth Montgomery), Bewitched, 1964-1972

Seven to eight bomb explosions rocked train stations and trains in and around Mumbai, India. The blasts were strong enough that they could be heard two miles away. Another bomb which did not detonate was found and defused by police in one train station. Reports claim that 135 to 138 people are dead and about 300 others injured. The government claims that this is the work of terorrists, though no group has taken responsibility for the blasts.

It's fun to prentend to be an airport security tard, er, guard! Teach 'em to be afraid while they're still young with this wonderful toy. Your tot will have hours upon hours of enjoyment in running plastic luggage through an x-ray machine that doesn't even work, just like the real thing! And a hand scanner is also included to add an element of romance! What are you waiting for? Go on Amazon.com and buy one today!

I can't believe that this toy actually exists, but it does and it really is available on Amazon.com. The Amazon page gives this safety information: "WARNING: Choking Hazard - Small parts. Not for children under 3 years." I think what it should say is "WARNING: Children may experience temporary mental impairment while impersonating airport security. Long term emotional damage to children from the use of the product is not yet known." Big ups to BoingBoing.net for the link.

Woke up to hear news of terror attacks in London earlier today. Four bomb blasts occured, three in the London Tube system and one bus. All of this comes just one day after London won the bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games.

I have to take some comfort in the fact that I do not take public transit, like Muni or BART, to get to work or any of my clients. Should things pop off here, I think that I would be safer than the people that have to ride the subway to commute. I just hope nothing else happens and they catch the mofos that did this.

One day before the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, Al Jazeera has aired a purported tape of Bin Laden and one of his top aides. It is not known when the tape was made, but Al Jazeera speculated that it was probably made in April or May of this year. Damn, this guy puts out more videos than Missy Elliott.

This is absolutely, positively not a joke! Apparently, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) was in the process of developing a program called the Futures Markets Applied to Prediction (FutureMAP). The program would have involved setting up a website where investors would bet small amounts of money that a particular event--a terrorist attack or assassination--would happen. It would have been like a terrorism deadpool--like Fuckedcompany.com, but for suicide bombings and the like. Who was the genius to come up with this idea!? Luckily, a couple of Senators, including our own Barbara Boxer, managed to terminate the program before its scheduled start on Friday. Here's the C|Net story.

The U.S. bumped the terror alert level up to orange because there's intelligence that says some Al-Qaida mofos may be planning an attack on U.S. soil. This means that we are to be a little more afraid of biological threats today than in a "normal" day. Let's hope this is another case of Tom Ridge crying wolf and nothing actually blows up.

Duct tape sales have risen amid fears of a terrorist attack. Perhaps the terrorists themselves have increased the demand for duct tape. Did you ever think of that? They have to attach the bombs to their bodies with something and duct tape is not only strong, but very economical.

Experts have said that the public could even use duct tape to combat a chemical weapons attack by making their homes airtight. If you believe that, you're a moron! Don't get me wrong, I think duct tape has a lot of uses around the house. But saving me and my family in the event of a chemical or biological weapons attack isn't one of them--that's just plain silly.

The U.S. Intelligence has confirmed that the audio tape released by Al Jazeera last week is indeed Osama Bin Laden. The question remains though--why an audio tape? Bin Laden is not camera shy by any stretch of the imagination. Some speculate he's had plastic surgery (like Michael Jackson, see previous blog) and others think he is too injured to do a camera shoot. Whatever the reason though, this can't be good for America.

Huge car bomb explodes on Bali and kills 182 people. I had heard from friends earlier that the count was in the eighties, but this is far worse than I thought. The consensus is that terrorists are involved.

A student was caught in Atlantic City trying to get a pair of scissors and two box cutters into a plane. It wasn't accidental either, the scissors were inside a bar of soap and the box cutters inside a lotion bottle. Maybe he was trying to test security, maybe he's Al Qaeda, or maybe he's just a f***ing psycho. Whatever his trip was, the good news is that he is going directly to jail--do not pass "Go", do not collect $200. What do you think were the odds of him being beaten to a pulp by passengers had he gotten on the plane and acted up?

North Carolina airport screeners were a little too eager in doing their job according to this CNN report. I was flying out of Denver International and had a screener squeeze my butt--I guess it's because if I were a terrorist I would put a weapon between my butt cheeks--horny bastards! Big ups to Masher for sending me the story.

This was the first 4th of July since 9/11. We took a nap in the afternoon and decided not to go see the fireworks downtown to avoid the big crowds and any possible extra explosions that may accompany the show, if you knwo what I mean. We stayed home, had fondue, and watched the fireworks on TV. Despite all of the hype on TV, we didn't feel compelled to go out and celebrate this 4th of July in public, perhaps next year will be different. I'll feel better once they find all of the other Al Qaeda members, or at least make it a little harder for them to enroll in flight school.