There was an apparent ninja attack in Gilroy early this morning. You have been warned.

A man who thought he was a ninja scaled a metal fence, but alas he wasn’t a ninja and was impaled by said fence. We have all been there, right!? Anyone!?

A student in Baltimore was burglarized.  The burglar returned later the same evening and instead of calling police, the student confronted the burglar with what is being described as a Samurai sword. It could have been a ninja sword. The burglar lunged and the student killed the burglar, damn near hacked the burglar’s hand off with the sword. Moral of the story: don’t steal from a ninja.

Ninja Style Magnets

A great holiday gift idea for the ninja in your life.

CIA Ninja Terrorist
On the CIA website, they have a “Terrorist Buster” logo that is a essentially a cartoon ninja (or is it a Mexican luchador!) waving a machine gun while walking through the international “forbidden” symbol. Yeah, that’ll show those terrorists! I would love to tell you that this is not your tax dollars at work, but this shit is totally real. Still, you gotta admit, ninjas are freakin’ awesome!

They don’t hate us for our freedom, they hate us for our crappy Photoshopping skills. Via BoingBoing.

Northern Italian police captured a ninja thief after a long manhunt.

Grand Master Masaaki Hatsumi, a shockingly fit 76-year-old man who bills himself as the world’s last ninja, espouses ninja wisdom in this fascinating article. Bigups to Larry for sending it to me.

Ninjas seem to be everywhere these days. A group of kids from the LBC and Costa Mesa called the EMC Monkeys are training to be ninjas together and putting together videos of their exploits. Check out this video of one of their lead members, Xin Sarith Azuma Phan Wuku, it’s awesome! If these guys decide to go full ninja style and kill people we’re all doomed. Their website says that they are “for hire” so it’s only a matter of time. May God help us all.

The ninja attacker that was killed last month is remembered by his family.

It turns out that the ninja attacker used to work for the guy that shot him and was probably just a disgruntled employee gone wild. I bet if mofos knew that this guy was a closet ninja they may have treated him better at work.

Update (3/7/2006): Ninja slaying found justifiable

The ninja that was shot dead a few days ago has not been identified, except to say that it was a white male 35 to 40 years of age. That doesn’t sound like a real Japanese ninja to me. Also, the investigation shows that the house belonged to an ex-casino executive. Perhaps he pissed off some people that wanted to take him and his wife out. Still, police claim their is no motive for the ninja attack.

Re-enactment of Ninja Entering Home--Scary Shit Indeed

A man shot and killed an armed man wearing a ninja outfit that attacked his wife earlier this morning. The ninja apparently lay in waiting for the woman to exit her home and pounced. The woman fought back and ran in the house where her husband shot the assailant. The attack happened in Healdsburg, CA, a town in the North Sonoma wine country about 90 miles North of San Francisco. I guess ninjas really do flip out and kill people, even in Healdsburg. The moral of this story: ninjas can’t dodge bullets, no matter how cool their costumes are.

The Official Ninja Webpage will make you pee in your pants from laughter–guaranteed. The best part of the site is the hate mail that “real” ninjas (a.k.a. people that own a bunch of throwing stars) send on a regular basis–classic. Big ups to Jimnice from Polynomia for finding this site.