Jeffrey Skilling, former CEO of Enron, was sentenced to 24 years in prison today.
Results tagged “enron” from The Daily Nugget
Ken Lay suffered a massive heart attack in his Aspen home early this morning and died. He survived the trial that found him guilty of one of the biggest corporate frauds in history, but he died before his scheduled September sentencing date. No justice here. Justice would have been for him to die in prison. Ken Lay died in debt due to his conviction but still lived as a very wealthy man, as evidenced by his death in one of his luxurious homes in Aspen. In sentencing, many speculated that it was likely that he was not going to Club Fed, but to a real federal pound-you-in-the-ass prison. Surely the thought of being a prison bitch was just too much for him to bear. Adios Kenny Boy, no presidential pardon for you.
"We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to Federal pound me in the ass prison."
-- Michael Bolton played by David Herman, Office Space, 1999
Kenneth Lay and Jeff Skilling were found guilty today of conspiracy and fraud for their role in misleading the public about the true financial health of Enron, whose collapse is one of the biggest corporate scandals in history. Lay and Skilling commented after the trial that they would have their anuses surgically enhanced to make them much smaller. "We don't want to have to worry about dropping the soap in the prison bathroom, and I'm kind of a klutz" said Lay while addressing reporters at the post-trial conference. Skilling added, "We really wanted our anuses permanently closed but were told by doctors that was impossible."
Lay and Skilling were released on $5 million bond and relinquished their passports to the court. However, they were not assigned to home confinement until sentencing. Is that a good idea? Surely these guys have tens of millions of dollars put away somewhere. Couldn't they charter a private plane to leave the country? The court better have some FBI agents following these mofos around because the prospect of "pound me in the ass prison" could entice them to skip their planned anal surgery and just go on the lam.
-- Michael Bolton played by David Herman, Office Space, 1999
Kenneth Lay and Jeff Skilling were found guilty today of conspiracy and fraud for their role in misleading the public about the true financial health of Enron, whose collapse is one of the biggest corporate scandals in history. Lay and Skilling commented after the trial that they would have their anuses surgically enhanced to make them much smaller. "We don't want to have to worry about dropping the soap in the prison bathroom, and I'm kind of a klutz" said Lay while addressing reporters at the post-trial conference. Skilling added, "We really wanted our anuses permanently closed but were told by doctors that was impossible."
Lay and Skilling were released on $5 million bond and relinquished their passports to the court. However, they were not assigned to home confinement until sentencing. Is that a good idea? Surely these guys have tens of millions of dollars put away somewhere. Couldn't they charter a private plane to leave the country? The court better have some FBI agents following these mofos around because the prospect of "pound me in the ass prison" could entice them to skip their planned anal surgery and just go on the lam.
Today the Labor Secretary announced that Enron employees would be awarded at least $66.5 million in settlement of claims against the board of trustees of the employee 401(k) and employee stock option programs. This announcement, although better than nothing, is a drop in the bucket to the $1 billion employees claim was lost from the retirement plans.
Here's some simple math: $66,000,000 settlement less legal fees / $1,000,000,000 total loss = $0.066 cents on the dollar. This means that if you had $100,000 in your 401(k), you would get a measely $6,600 reimbursed for your trouble. The lawyers on the other hand will reap $20 million in fees for getting a $86 million settlement. Lawyers get paid, trustees admit to no wrongdoing, Labor Secretary gets press, and the employees, well, they still get screwed. Too bad.
Here's some simple math: $66,000,000 settlement less legal fees / $1,000,000,000 total loss = $0.066 cents on the dollar. This means that if you had $100,000 in your 401(k), you would get a measely $6,600 reimbursed for your trouble. The lawyers on the other hand will reap $20 million in fees for getting a $86 million settlement. Lawyers get paid, trustees admit to no wrongdoing, Labor Secretary gets press, and the employees, well, they still get screwed. Too bad.
Andrew Fastow, ex-Enron CFO, turned himself in to the FBI today in Houston. He and his wife have over $23MM in frozen accounts. Maybe he just got hungry. What's the point of living in a $2.6MM home if you can't go to the ATM to get money for food?
