Results tagged “dick cheney” from The Daily Nugget

Dick Cheney's travel requirements were made public today on the Smoking Gun. Among the things he must have are all the lights turned on, the room at 68 degrees, decaffeinated coffee, four to six bottles of water, and four cans of caffeine-free Diet Sprite. Additionally, the room's televisions have to be preset to -- wait for it, wait for it -- Fox News. No mention was made of beef jerky, a shotgun, buckshot, a defibrillator, and a couple of floor mirrors to practice scowling and looking like a Dick. Apparently, he brings all that other shit himself.

Here are the lyrics to a song that should be recorded to the tune of Aerosmith's Janie's Got a Gun. It would be awesome if Aerosmith recorded the song to parody Good ol' Dick, but I doubt that would ever happen.

Cheney's Got a Gun

Dum, dum, dum, Cheney what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum, Cheney what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound, it's the sound...
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....

Cheney's Got A Gun
Cheney's Got A Gun
His whole world's come undone
From shootin' quail on the run
What did poor Harry do
What did he put you through

They say when Cheney lost investments
He swore to give Harry pain
That lawyer had it comin'
Now that Cheney's Got A Gun
He ain't never gonna be the same

Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a fellow hunter while hunting for quail in Texas. Cheney shot Harry Whittington, a millionaire attorney from Austin, in the face, neck, and chest from about 30 yards away with a 28-guage shotgun even though Whittington was wearing a bright orange hunter's vest. Well, with friends like that, who needs their enemies to hire assassins? Strangely, the incident was not reported publicly by the vice president’s office for nearly 24 hours, and then only after the incident was reported locally by the Corpus Christi Caller-Times. Nice. What a dick!