Results tagged “animals” from The Daily Nugget

After Steve Irwin's death a few years ago, I wrote a satirical post surrounding a true incident in which a stingray jumped onto a boat and stabbed a man in the heart.  That man survived.  Yesterday there was another freak incident in which a stingray leaped into the air striking a woman on a moving boat so hard that she fell back, hit her head, and died.  While stingrays jumping out water is not unusual, stingrays flying out of water and hitting stationary or moving objects is very unusual.  What a strange way to go.

These Japanese snow monkeys like the natural springs outside of Nagano so much that they'll put up with Japanese and foreign tourists snapping their pictures as they chill. This has to be one of the funniest photos I've seen in a while, if only because the monkey in the back doesn't look like he likes the picture-taking. What do you think the caption should read?

Some people are all upset that the coyotes in the park were shot dead, but authorities cite the odd behavior of the coyotes and the difficulty in trapping and transporting them as a reason for their decision to kill them instead. I have to agree. These coyotes attacked an animal twice their size--that's crazy for any animal. This pair needed to go plain and simple.

Do people see this reasoning!? No. One person even said "I'm more afraid of the vagrants in the park than the coyotes." Huh!? You like coyotes with razor sharp claws and teeth near your pets or kids!? Bums don't eat pets and kids last I checked! People need to get over the fact that the coyotes look like dogs. They are not dogs. They are wild scavengers that do not belong in an urban setting. Get over it and move on!

And just like that they were gone.

Yes, that is not a misprint. A couple of coyotes attacked dogs that were out for a walk Golden Gate Park yesterday. Coyotes usually eat small rodents, rabbits, and other vermin. However, yesterday the coyotes attacked a Ridgeback, a 100-pound dog! WTF!? So not only are there coyotes in the park, they are crazy!

I don't now what they are feeding, or not feeding, squirrels in Germany, but apparently one of them decided the she had had enough and started biting people. It jumped through a window and started biting someone in a house and then continued on with its rampage through the streets before being taken out in a blaze of glory by a crutch. Crazy.

Inside every house cat lies a cold blooded killer. Meet Jeff, he has his own blog devoted to his bloodthirsty attacks and yes, he often eats his prey. Jeff has developed quite an Internet following and is probably considering reality show and film deals as we speak. Check him out.

An Egyptian man tried to smuggle "snakes on a plane" heading to Saudi Arabia.

Grimpoteuthis, a deep sea octopus that lives three miles under the sea (pictured on the right in this illustration), resembles a Pikachu Pokemon creature.

While we may not know jack about this new species of octopus, we sure know a lot about the Pikachu. Via BoingBoing.

An upstate New York couple didn't think a few bats in the attic were much of a problem when they were buying a house last summer. Months later, they found out how wrong they were when they discovered more than a ton and a half of bat guano up there. That's right. Bat shit. 3,500 pounds of bat shit inside their house!

They were going to exterminate the bats months earlier, but were told to wait by the exterminator. Instead, they completely forgot about the bats until they smelled a foul odor. They found piles of dead bats and bat shit all over. Luckily the attic floorboards held, or they would have had bat shit raining inside their house. Crazy.

George and Gracie, the two peregrine falcons that used to live on the 33rd floor ledge of the PG&E building and even had their own webcam, have moved to a perilous nest located under the Bay Bridge. If their young hatch there they must certainly will die because the high winds under the bridge will blow the young birds into the water or onto the Embarcadero roadway to be flattened. Instead, scientists will climb to the nest on Friday to retrieve the eggs so that they may hatch at UC Santa Cruz.

Chinese reserve wants to turn panda poop into paper. Apparently the 40 pandas in the reserve can generate 2 tons (4,000 lbs.) of poop a day! That's an average of 100 lbs. of poop per panda per day. That's a lot of poop to scoop. Hey, it rhymes!

A poisonous frog the size of a football weighing two pounds was found in Australia.

A man checked into an Irish motel with a donkey. No, really! So, of course, the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night. When the cops busted in, they found the man, described as "lonely," dressed in latex and wearing handcuffs. Hmmn. So it appeared that the donkey had good reason for going berserk. Wouldn't you!? Who says donkeys are dumb!? You'd probably start tearing the place up too if you saw homeboy putting on a his gimp outfit while looking at you funny!

Alas, the man was charged with cruelty to animals and fined €2000 for violating the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act of 1837. They couldn't charge him with lewd behavior for "lack of evidence." Oh, it hurts from laughing and I have to stop! You'll just have to read the article for yourself. There's a "super rabbit" comment in it that almost made me pee my pants. You just can't make this stuff up!

New Zealand fishermen have caught a 990-pound, 39-foot-long squid in Antarctic waters. That's a whole lot of calamari!

The crew of a television show in St. Louis, filmed a segment on eagles but had technical difficulties with their wireless microphone set. Most of the filmed footage was unusable, as the questions posed to Aileesha Breedlove, the African-American woman wiping a tear in the segment, were inaudible. This hilarious video with a South Park style song is what they came up with to try and salvage the segment. It took them about four hours to do it from concept to finish. Oh, and it actually aired. Rock on. Via BoingBoing.

After Steve Irwin's death, stingrays were innocently killed off the Australian coastline. Apparently, after a month of planning, today the stingrays fought back by sending a "suicide stinger" onto a boat to stab a man in the heart. The Stingray Revolutionary Army (SRA) quickly took responsibility for the attack that has left an 81-year-old man in critical condition.

A spokesman for the SRA, a speckled stingray only known by the name "Barbie" spoke with a reporter for The Daily Nugget at an undisclosed location. She said, "We will not sit back and do nothing while our innocent brothers and sisters die at the hands of ignorant humans! We continue to maintain that Irwin's death was an unfortunate accident. Nonetheless, we have thousands of stingrays training all over the world to jump onto boats and we will continue the use of force until the senseless attacks on our species stop!"

The Department of Homeland security could not be reached for comment at press time to discuss how the U.S. Coast Guard will deal with this new threat from the seas. Robert Hornsby, an Australian fisherman from Queensland had this to say, "I had warned some kids last month about messing with these animals because I knew of their complex worldwide communication network. They are smarter and more cunning than the 'crab people' and we should stop messing with them." We should all heed this warning before it is too late.

The motto of the Animal Coffee website is "from cat to cup." That's because the Luwak, a marsupial that looks like a cat in the islands of Indonesia, climbs trees, eats the ripest coffee beans and shits them out in nice fermented clumps (pictured here). Local villagers go out and collect the droppings and sell them around the world for as much as $75 per pound. What started as, presumably, a way for lazy villagers to get coffee without harvesting the trees has since evolved into the world's priciest specialty coffee. No joke, here's an excerpt:

"To obtain beans while still in this state they must be collected almost immediately after they are deposited on the forest floor. Once they have been exposed to the elements for even a very short period, particularly in the rainy season, they break down into individual beans and we can no longer be sure that they are genuine kopi luwak."

That's right, cat shit coffee is serious business. If you want to charge someone $75 per pound for coffee you better make sure it's coming out of a cat's ass. Still, in stark contrast, I know the owner of Geek Acres (here's their mascot mule), which produces the most labor intensive coffee in the world. I believe that one pound of Geek Acres may sell for more than $75 per pound.

In a Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom moment, horrified zoo visitors in Holland saw a group of bears eat a monkey yesterday. The monkey was chased into an electric fence by the bears where it was stunned. The monkey quickly recovered and fled onto a wooden structure where a bear chased it and mauled it to death. The bears then setup a picnic in their den and proceeded to eat the monkey.

A two-headed snake will be put on sale on eBay for $150,000 obo. The World Aquarium in St. Louis will be selling the snake for 10 times what it paid for it six and a half years ago. The snake was not expected to live more than a few months. But since both heads are connected to the same stomach the snake is thriving. Check it out.