The Better Marriage Blanket (YouTube Infomercial) is a fart filter that uses “the same fabric used by the military to protect from chemical weapons.” It would make an awesome wedding gag gift. It’s just too bad most of my friends are married.

My friend Larry found this bit of comedy on a cork board somewhere in Hawaii. I personally have no judgment on vegans, but this is just funny. Keep being AWESOME people!

Carnivore?
WTF is Dairy Drink?

WTF is Dairy Drink? Via BoingBoing.

My wife googled the spelling of the word despair a few nights ago while writing in her baby journal.  Yes I am not kidding. Thankfully, she came across the site despair.com. The site allows you to order “demotivational” posters as a 16-month calendar and while browsing through them some look really funny.  Even funnier, the guy that runs the site puts together demotivational corporate videos that are really funny.  I think I will be buying a calendar later today.

In the UK, the face of Jesus was found on caked on cooking grease after a guy cooked a delicious, or dare I say heavenly, burger.

This is an infomercial for a product called Aspray, which is a spray for your stank butt and privates.  My favorite part of the infomercial is “give this to your smelly friends.”  Funny shit.  Via Adfreak.

This instructional video from Gillette shows you how to “trim your bush” because you know, they’ll sell a lot more razors if guys all decided to shave their balls.

Here are some commercials from the 1976 swine flu scare.  It’s all been done. My favorite part, the crass way the narrator says “…but Betty had a heart condition and she died” in the second commercial.

Can you guess why this dress photo was removed from an online prom dress retailer?  Via Boing Boing.

Can you guess why this dress photo was removed from an online prom dress retailer? Via Boing Boing.

And no it wasn’t a two-year-old. This grown ass woman threw a tantrum after missing a flight at the Hong Kong airport and then had the nerve to yell at the gate agents and her own husband for good measure.  The calmness of the husband (the guy in the suit) leads me to believe that this lady has done this before.  She is not an “amateur” tantrum thrower.  How someone can be this old and not have more developed problem solving skills is beyond me.  This comedy is all over the Internets today.  Enjoy.

Yes, just like at a prom 33 years ago, birds moonwalk to impress the ladies.

Elf Ears Anyone?

This is serious nerdcore action right here.  This girl has chosen to surgically modify her ears to look like an elf (slide show after the jump).  Well kids, let me break this down for you.  Do not do this to yourself unless you are absolutely certain, without a shadow of a doubt, that you want to work at a cash register for the rest of your natural life.  Or in a circus.  Or in a stage production of Lord of the Rings.

I know it’s hard for you to imagine living another say 60 years or so, but please try.  Nobody will tell you this to your face, but you will be closing some doors by doing this.  But hey on the bright side, you will still look like an elf.  And nothing says hard working and reliable like an elf, right!?

I am sure that there are people that have made it to the higher echelons of corporate America with piercings, body mods, and even visible tattoos.  But remember that you will have to be a 100% bad ass to get there.  Otherwise, they will say, what else can you expect from an elf?  Please, don’t make things harder on yourself kids.

Remember that racism is still alive and that’s just among humans, let alone elves.

You just won the game

Via xkcd.

San Alfonso Del Mar Resort

I was surfing the Internets and found the San Alfonso Del Mar Resort. The resort features the largest swimming pool in the world, measuring 19 acres of surface area and over 1000 yards in length.  Well, it’s actually more like a saltwater lagoon than a swimming pool.  It is so large that you can practice sailing on it!  It is a true engineering marvel that I hope we will be able to visit someday soon.  Also, here is a link to the company that created the technology for the lagoon and a link to recent U.K. newspaper story about the resort.

Big Rabbit

A giant sized rabbit like the one pictured above was terrorizing a U.K village a few years ago by performing nighttime raid, leaving behind giant paw prints and destroyed carrots, leeks, onions, and turnips.  It’s just like the Wallace and Gromit film, The Curse of the Were-Rabbit.  How did rabbits get this big?  This one is the size of a mid-sized dog!  I’ll tell you what, if I saw something this size in the alleyway near my house I would be terrified for myself, to hell with vegetables!

Rabbit experts say the culprit could be an escaped giant domestic rabbit. Some pet breeds can grow to more than three feet (one meter) in length.  England holds the record for largest rabbit in the world.  The continental rabbit pictured here weighs in at 35 pounds (15.9 kilograms) and measures 3 feet, 6 inches (107 centimeters) long.  Originally bred for their meat, other massive breeds include the British giant and the Flemish giant.  I had no idea that there were rabbits this big.  Big ups to Dieter for sending me the link.

Great "bad day at the office" compilation music video.

The security footage above shows a lowly cube dweller going completely apeshit.  He attacks one of his co-workers with a binder and proceeds to destroy the small office while shocked co-workers look on.  The scary thing is that these guys look like accountants (yikes)!  I guess what I want to know is what the hell did the guy that shuffled his papers say to instigate this mayhem?  I mean, he did get rocked in the head with a binder for saying something, didn’t he?

I bet you this type of thing happens more often than we think all over the world, but now the footage of these events are finally seeing the light of day. Here’s a link to the same incident from another angle and with sound taken by someone using a cell phone.  From the voices in the video it seems like they are speaking Russian.  Crazy.  Via Boing Boing.

Expensive Burger

If I paid $175 for a burger, it better give me wings.  Really, I am not joking!

Deeyam!  A place called the Wall Street Burger Shoppe is offering a burger made with Kobe beef, truffles, foie gras, fancy cheese and topped with real gold flakes.  How much would you pay for such a fine burger?  Well, the answer is $175, because they just raised their price from $150.  Only investment bankers in New York would dare pay that much for a burger to impress their "friends."  But a friend would never let you pay that much for a burger!  That would never happen here in San Francisco since paying $175 for a burger would be so nouveau riche.

HTML Tattoo

This tattoo means "end head, begin body"
in HTML markup

Here’s one of many nerd tattoos that you can find by Googling the terms nerd tattoo or geek tattoo.  Oh, and do not forget to Google nerdcore tattoo, because those nerdcore kids take the nerd hardcore and to a completely different level in my opinion.

My favorite of the bunch I looked at is one by the name of Mario Jedi, a mash-up of Donkey Kong’s Mario and a Star Wars Jedi Knight into one outrageously crazy nerdy tattoo.  Sure, Mario looks cool now on your bicep while wearing a Jedi Knight outfit but how do you explain that wrinkled mess on your arm to your grandkids.  How are they going to feel about grandpa then!?

"Ooh, that’s going to leave a mark!"

I just read The Bizarre History of 10 Common Sayings and almost peed my pants.  My favorite one in the bunch is #4 "The Wrong End of the Stick," it’s laugh out loud funny.  You can just stop there because the top three are pretty lame and not funny in my opinion.  Some of the language in the article is NSFW so please use common sense in opening the link.

dot dot dot com redux

Score: 73% (11 out of 15)

How much do you know about Internet URLs?  Test yourself with this handy quiz over at mental floss.  I personally scored a 73% just by using common sense on some of the URLs that were part of the quiz.  I think a lot of people will be surprised as to where some of the URLs go.   How do you score?  Don’t cheat!

TSA Gangstaz is a funny parody gangsta rap video about airport security that was likely written by 12-year-olds. “Belt buckle, money clip, coins keys, wallet, purse / put some deez on it run it through.” According to the songwriter, TSA stands for “taking suckah’s assets.” NSFW, but check it out when you have a moment. Via BoingBoing.


Via Boing Boing.
Look at This Dog

Apparently, this is NOT a lost dog flyer. Via BoingBoing.

CIA Ninja Terrorist
On the CIA website, they have a “Terrorist Buster” logo that is a essentially a cartoon ninja (or is it a Mexican luchador!) waving a machine gun while walking through the international “forbidden” symbol. Yeah, that’ll show those terrorists! I would love to tell you that this is not your tax dollars at work, but this shit is totally real. Still, you gotta admit, ninjas are freakin’ awesome!

They don’t hate us for our freedom, they hate us for our crappy Photoshopping skills. Via BoingBoing.

Pirates or Rap Videos
Via indexed.

I am not sure how I missed deep-fried coke at the end of last year, but it has to be the unhealthiest junk food ever created by man. Or perhaps it’s how the world will end, I am not really sure.

Boston.com put together a list of workplace jargon with illustrative graphics that many of us will recognize. Big ups to Olya for sending me the link.

Neatorama has compiled a list of the 10 Most Amazing Temples in the World. Check it.

Fucked Flowchart
Do Not Erase
Via xkcd, here’s the caption for this bit of genius:

I’ve seen advertisers put their URLs on chalkboards, encircled with a DNE. They went unerased for months. If you see this, feel free to replace the URL with xkcd.com.

This guy from Taipei can shoot 140 balls per minute and make damn near all of them.

Jeff the Paws of Death © Whatjeffkilled.com

Inside every house cat lies a cold blooded killer. Meet Jeff, he has his own blog devoted to his bloodthirsty attacks and yes, he often eats his prey. Jeff has developed quite an Internet following and is probably considering reality show and film deals as we speak. Check him out.

I just found this sweet mash-up of Lord of the Rings and The Ring of Fire song by Johnny Cash. It makes for a really strange Johnny Cash music video. Somehow I doubt this is what Johnny Cash envisioned when he wrote the song.

I wonder what would have happened if Johnny Cash had ever met some Hobbits!? He would have probably beat the living shit out of them for sneaking up on him or something. I heard that the popular belief is that the song is about hemorrhoids. Crazy.

I am married so I can’t really say that they are evil. Nevertheless, I saw a printout of this earlier today and had to post the theorem because it’s nothing short of genius. Here’s the basic logic:

First, we establish that girls require time and money:
girls = time x money

And, as we all know “time is money”:
time = money

Therefore we can now state that:
girls = money x money = (money)²

And, because “money is the root of all evil”:
money = √evil

Therefore we can now state that:
girls = (√evil)²

So we have to conclude that:
girls = evil

Just like I said, the guy (or girl) that wrote this up had a stroke of genius.

In Belgium, you can rent a dinner table suspended on a crane 150 feet in the air for a dinner event. The table seats 22 people and the dinner may last up to 8 hours. The cost for the rental of the table, including all transportation, security, hostess, wait staff, location scouting, location rental, photographer, power, and music, is €11,995. Oh yeah, that doesn’t actually include the food or the 21% VAT tax. It’s like Six Flags ride meets French Laundry. Check out the video on their website–this is crazy!

At those prices, it’s certainly a once in a lifetime experience. You are way better off renting a capsule on the London Eye for eight hours and catering a dinner in there. Hey, I bet that would be really cool. It would be way cheaper, only £332 every half hour plus food and VAT. The other advantage of doing it at the London Eye is that guests could get on or off at will to go to the bathroom. For some reason the Dinner in the Sky video doesn’t address bathroom breaks.

Seven Deadly Sins w/Combos
We’re certainly *all* going to hell. Via Indexed.

A Colorado resident is selling snow on Ebay, yellow snow no less. However, the listing states, “this snow was yellowed in the non-traditional method and is completely hygenic!” Funny.

LED Rat Throwie

Just in time for Halloween! You can make your very own LED Rat Throwie that sticks to metal with magnets (pictured here stuck on the side of a fridge). This will most certainly scare the hell out of the kids that walk up to your front door, as well as all of your family and friends.

Why? Because this project is not for the faint of heart. You will need a soldering kit, two light emitting diodes, some electronics, a battery, and, oh I almost forgot, a dead rat. Yes, in order to make this gag believable you must master the art of mouse taxidermy. The website says “Mice are smaller and easier to work with than rats,” so it advises you to try doing this with a mouse first and then graduate to full-size rat sweetness. Thanks, but I’ll stick to fake stuffed animals, no thanks.

Via BoingBoing.

At a place called drinkstuff.com, because apparently you have to be drinking to order something from there, they are selling a Party Finger Forks set that allows you to wear forks on your fingers like Edward Scissorhands. The site says, “Sharp enough to pierce your food but not enough to skewer your other fingers!” Great. Via BoingBoing.

The SF Bay Area Puppeteers Guild is real, and by that I mean really scary.

A Florida man recently paid a $1 parking ticket he received in 1946, 60 years after he got it! The man said that soon after he got the ticket, he bought a $1 money order to pay the fine but forgot to send it in to authorities. He found the money order while looking through some old collectibles recently and decided to send it in. The man was quoted as saying, “At my age, when I go out of here, I don’t want to owe anyone a dime.” Sweet.

Here are gross photos of carpet caterpillar infestations on a Swedish website. I am certainly glad that we don’t have to worry about caterpillar larvae laying waste to the city of San Francisco. Via BoingBoing.

Below is a letter that a mini fridge seller wrote to the buyer of his mini fridge on Craigslist. I laughed so hard when I read it that I almost peed my pants. I think Mama actually wet herself this morning when she was reading it, which I didn’t understand at the time but now I know why. Craigslist posts expire after a few months and I thought that a piece of comedy this good had to be preserved for future generations. So, without further ado here’s a reprint of the full post:

Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady: The fridge doesn’t come with a pedigree!
Date: 2006-06-25, 8:44AM PDT

Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady:

I am honored that you chose my ad for a mini fridge out of all the ads you could have chosen. It makes me feel good that my mini fridge will be supplying you with the ice cold beverages you’ve obviously become accustomed to.

Next time you answer one of my ads, please note the following:

1. I am not Home Depot. If you travel thirty minutes to pick up a bulky 40-pound object, please come prepared with the necessary items you’ll need to secure it to your vehicle. Yes, I have rope. I have a lot of rope. I have many different colors and sizes of rope. No, you can not have my rope. The ad said I was selling a fridge, not a fridge with rope. Nor was I selling a fridge with padding so that the pleather seats on your piece of crap car don’t get marked up.

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The motto of the Animal Coffee website is “from cat to cup.” That’s because the Luwak, a marsupial that looks like a cat in the islands of Indonesia, climbs trees, eats the ripest coffee beans and shits them out in nice fermented clumps (pictured here). Local villagers go out and collect the droppings and sell them around the world for as much as $75 per pound. What started as, presumably, a way for lazy villagers to get coffee without harvesting the trees has since evolved into the world’s priciest specialty coffee. No joke, here’s an excerpt:

“To obtain beans while still in this state they must be collected almost immediately after they are deposited on the forest floor. Once they have been exposed to the elements for even a very short period, particularly in the rainy season, they break down into individual beans and we can no longer be sure that they are genuine kopi luwak.”

That’s right, cat shit coffee is serious business. If you want to charge someone $75 per pound for coffee you better make sure it’s coming out of a cat’s ass. Still, in stark contrast, I know the owner of Geek Acres (here’s their mascot mule), which produces the most labor intensive coffee in the world. I believe that one pound of Geek Acres may sell for more than $75 per pound.

Yoda Backpack

ThinkGeek has a Yoda Backpack for sale for only $39.99! Every chick will dig you wearing one of these to the park, just out on the town, and even to work. Hey, I bet it’s big enough to carry your work laptop!

I am a geek and can say that I can’t wear this, unfortunately I am just not strong enough with the force. But not you! I bet you’re thinking, “I used to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home! I am totally strong with the force, I’m not afraid to carry Master Yoda in public!”

“You will be, you will be.”

Mama read an article about Americans retiring in Costa Rica and Panama and the trend is increasing. Apparently, there are many factors to consider when choosing a retirement destination. There are considerations for getting your worldly possessions there, affordable housing, the cost of living once you get there, access to health care and travel considerations to see your kids.

The country of Panama offers a few incentives for retirement. The government will issue you a special retirement visa that will allow you to move your stuff to Panama without charging you any import taxes, will not charge you taxes for income earned outside of Panama, and will not charge you property taxes for 20 years. Additionally, the visa will allow you discounts on medical costs, utility bills, mortgages, hotels, public transportation, and airfare. Many people are moving there because of these incentives.

We are always thinking of visiting Paris. This got me thinking, what if we could live one to two hours from Paris in our retirement years, how much would a house there cost? Well as it turns out you can buy some huge chateaus and castles in France for fairly cheap. Also, rural living in France tends to be much cheaper than living in a city like Paris. So check out some of the properties I found:

Castle Between Paris and Reims
4375 sq. ft of living space on 8 acres. 10bd/10ba on 3 stories. The ground floor includes 600 sq. ft. reception hall with 26 ft. high ceilings and views of the park grounds, 635 sq. ft formal dining room with views of the park grounds, and a 400 sq. ft. kitchen, a 600 sq. ft. master suite with a 200 sq. ft. office. The first floor includes a 500 sq. ft. library, and 2 bedrooms with baths that are 300 sq. ft. each. The second floor includes 7 “small” bedrooms with baths. Vaulted cellars. Other structures include guest house, keeper house, orangery, stables, sheepfold, greenhouse, workshop, and garages. 845,000€

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The Oozinator is a real toy that shoots what appears to be jizz at small children! Check out the commercial and the hilarious comments about this toy on the Consumerist website. My favorite comment is the first one, “Preparing young boys for a career in gay porn….since 2006.” Awesomely terrible.