Last month, somebody tried to assassinate a Saudi prince by exploding a bomb stuffed in his ass. He pretended to be a repentant militant, when in fact he was more like a “propellant” militant.  The suicide ass bomber exploded and just shocked the hell out of the Saudi Prince who escaped with only had minor injuries. (Via Bruce Schneier, really funny comments there).

For years, I have made the joke about Richard Reid: “Just be glad that he wasn’t the underwear bomber.” Now, sadly, we have an example of one. Lewis Page, an “improvised-device disposal operator tasked in support of the UK mainland police from 2001-2004,” pointed out that this isn’t much of a threat for three reasons: 1) you can’t stuff a lot of explosives into a body cavity, 2) detonation is, um, problematic, and 3) the human body can stifle an explosion pretty effectively (think of someone throwing himself on a grenade to save his friends).

We should all buy stock in latex glove companies because I can just see the TSA reacting to news of this attack with rectal exams U.S.  fliers. Er, we are looking for asshole bombs, sir! I guess it’s all in the messaging, maybe it will be touted as “free colon cancer screenings by trained professionals.”

Update: Below is a news story about the ass bomber that is bordering on hysteria.

A couple in Arizona takes bath time photos of their kids to a local Wal-Mart.  An obviously highly trained Wal-Mart employee decides that the photos are porn and notifies police.  The local police agree and investigate; child protective services take away kids for a month; the parents lose their jobs and are placed in the Arizona sex offenders registry; and the parents spend $75k in legal bills.  At the end of the day, the the couple were cleared of charges and now, they are suing Wal-Mart.

If you ask me, they should probably sue the local police department detectives that agreed with a Wal-Mart employee and launched an investigation.  Realistically, this should have stopped after the first phone call instead of snowballing into arrests, investigations, and criminal charges.

Should parents fear printing bath time photos from now on?

My wife googled the spelling of the word despair a few nights ago while writing in her baby journal.  Yes I am not kidding. Thankfully, she came across the site despair.com. The site allows you to order “demotivational” posters as a 16-month calendar and while browsing through them some look really funny.  Even funnier, the guy that runs the site puts together demotivational corporate videos that are really funny.  I think I will be buying a calendar later today.

A student in Baltimore was burglarized.  The burglar returned later the same evening and instead of calling police, the student confronted the burglar with what is being described as a Samurai sword. It could have been a ninja sword. The burglar lunged and the student killed the burglar, damn near hacked the burglar’s hand off with the sword. Moral of the story: don’t steal from a ninja.

Kanye West lost his fucking mind and decided to take the mic from Taylor Swift at the VMAs while she’s giving her acceptance speech to say that Beyonce’s video was better!  Even Beyonce was like “what a dick!”  Watch the video and read her lips, that’s exactly what she says.  Kanye was instantly booed and, according to reports, tossed from the event.  Taylor Swift was seen crying backstage shortly after.  What an asshole! (Link to video via Defamer)

Senator Al Franken drew a pretty accurate free hand map of the United States at the Minnesota State Fair.  I bet that very few people in congress could do this just for their own state, let alone the whole country!  Wouldn’t it be cool if this was a requirement to get into congress!  I think there would be some very different, and likely smarter, people in office.

Bat-Shit-Crazy Phillip Garrido wrote and recorded love songs to young girls that he gave to a business acquaintance.  The business acquaintance claims that Garrido wrote these while in prison for a kidnap and rape conviction and believes “some of the lyrics could reflect a predilection for young girls.”  Some of the sick lyrics are:

“For every little girl in the world, they want to be in love, yeah…Please tell me that you want me…The way she walks, yeah, subtle, sexy. What can I do? I fall victim too. A little child, yeah, look what you do.”

What a sick fuck this guy is!  I can’t believe it took this long to catch this bastard.  The fact that he had a chance to record a 2-disc, 20 song album to little girls is proof positive that this guy thought he was untouchable by law enforcement. Life in prison with no possibility of parole is the only sentence for this crazy mofo.

The L.A. wildfires are coming “Straight Outta Mordor.” Via BoingBoing.