POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mommie, Mother and Dad, Daddy, Pops, Father

SUMMARY: Long term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment providing leadership and mentorship opportunities to young workers. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier service duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until young workers receive $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from 0 to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not young workers just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for young workers and clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable every minute, from one embarrassment to the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of ALL produced work product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the living facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: None. You will remain in the same position for decades, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass your own skills and earn more than you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training is offered however on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: No pay! This is a reverse-salary position in which you pay the young workers and offer them frequent raises and bonuses throughout your career. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help young workers become financially independent. When you die, you give them all of your assets. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: No health insurance, dental insurance, pension, tuition reimbursement, paid holidays, or stock options are offered. However, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

SPECIAL NOTE: You cannot decline this position, ever, and there is no retirement! Good luck!

It’s 6:15pm and 42F degrees in San Francisco. That’s wrong. You know it’s cold because people on the street are wearing gloves, including me! There is a bright side, at least it’s not raining right now.

I know it’s raining right now, but I have to tell everyone about the best auto wash and detail in the city, Magic Auto Detail. I took the Audi there on Saturday and had Steve do the Basic Detail for $65, which includes an express hand wax and armor all in all the places that need it. Wow! This guy even got a brush and got old wax residue out of tiny nooks and crannies that I didn’t even know existed. I had to give Steve a $15 tip because I felt bad that he spent a full two hours detailing my car. The car is so shiny that one of my neighbors asked where I had it washed. The car is now in my garage waiting for a sunny day. If you live or work in the city this is the best place, period.

Yahoo is expected to layoff as many as 500 peeps fairly soon.

Six years after the iMind saga and I am *still* getting ex-iMinder fan mail. Crazy.

Two small planes collided over the city of Corona showering debris and body parts over a busy business district near the 91 freeway. The four people in the two planes died and a fifth person was killed in a car dealership when debris pierced through the roof of the business. Police are still trying to figure out the cause of this freak accident.

This guy in Illinois collected paychecks from a company for nearly five years after he turned down their employment offer. He was arrested after collecting $469,000 in salary and 401k contributions for a job he never even had. I think what is criminal about this case is that it took Avaya, the company that made the error, about four years to find out they were paying someone who didn’t show up for work! Hahaha! Stuff like this happens and companies *still* claim they don’t need internal auditors.

Gregory Reyes, ex-CEO of Brocade, was sentenced to 21 months in prison and ordered to pay a $15 million fine for his involvement in Brocade’s stock options backdating scandal. A $15 million fine should be nothing for this guy, since he was worth about $1 billion back in 2000. Still, 1 year and 9 months in the pen won’t be nice for his hemorrhoids, if you know what I mean.

A friend of mine from high school has started a urban menswear clothing line called Fiber & Fellow. The company was just written up on the We Are the Market fashion blog where my friend, Jayson Santos, spills details about their Fall ’08 collection.

It’s not so much the water as it is the wind that is making this storm so miserable. There are currently 55 mph onshore winds battering the city and 150 mph winds are expected in the High Sierras. Luckily, we have not lost power like a lot of other people in the Bay Area. Expect more mayhem between now an Monday, since this is only the first of three storms that will be hitting us back to back.

Earlier this month, some poor mofo in Calgary thought that his $10 per month “unlimited mobile web browsing plan” included tethered connections to his computer. So after some regular usage, which probably included downloading a couple of high-def movies, he got slapped with a beefy $85,000 bill. Luckily, the phone company wasn’t completely heartless and lowered his charges to about $3,300. Holy crap! My heart starts fluttering every time my bill gets to $200. I can only imagine the look on this guy’s face when he opened the bill and saw the amount.

Okay, after nearly a month off I have decided to start blogging again. I was a little burnt out at work and needed to take a break from everything, including the Nug. Needless to say, the last three weeks without turning on my laptop have been fantastic and something that I really needed. Also, I finally caught up with all the Amazing Race 12 episodes I had on the TiVo, but will not be writing recaps for each one. I am pretty much done with that since it takes so much time to watch and type out each episode. I’ll say one last thing, The Goths totally won me over and I was sad to see them go in last week’s episode. For recaps of AR episodes, please read Reality Blurred’s Amazing Race pages. They are witty and well written and I am sure you’ll enjoy them.

Happy New Year to all of our family, friends and Nug readers. I hope that this year is filled with success, happiness and joy for all of you. What I am looking forward to the most this year are the Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach, participating in the racing league at Go Kart Racer, and celebrating New Year’s 2009 in Puerto Rico with my family. I hope that this is an amazing year for all!