After Steve Irwin’s death, stingrays were innocently killed off the Australian coastline. Apparently, after a month of planning, today the stingrays fought back by sending a “suicide stinger” onto a boat to stab a man in the heart. The Stingray Revolutionary Army (SRA) quickly took responsibility for the attack that has left an 81-year-old man in critical condition.

A spokesman for the SRA, a speckled stingray only known by the name “Barbie” spoke with a reporter for The Daily Nugget at an undisclosed location. She said, “We will not sit back and do nothing while our innocent brothers and sisters die at the hands of ignorant humans! We continue to maintain that Irwin’s death was an unfortunate accident. Nonetheless, we have thousands of stingrays training all over the world to jump onto boats and we will continue the use of force until the senseless attacks on our species stop!”

The Department of Homeland security could not be reached for comment at press time to discuss how the U.S. Coast Guard will deal with this new threat from the seas. Robert Hornsby, an Australian fisherman from Queensland had this to say, “I had warned some kids last month about messing with these animals because I knew of their complex worldwide communication network. They are smarter and more cunning than the ‘crab people’ and we should stop messing with them.” We should all heed this warning before it is too late.

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