Muslims and Team Karma Eliminated

In this premiere episode of the race, teams made their way from Seattle, Washington to Beijing, China. The first stumbling block was of course, reading the first clue correctly. The teams had to go to Thrifty Airport Parking, but a bunch of them went to Thrifty Rental Car Return. Rookie mistakes. Ultimately, the planes did not land too far apart from each other due to a delay with the first flight.

After the race’s first Roadblock, teams made their way to the Forbidden City and picked departure times off a board. The Muslims came in as the “Last Team” and had to meet Phil on a mat, while all the other teams didn’t. Phil told them, “You are the last team to arrive at this point in the race. Even though this is not a Pit Stop, I am sorry to tell you that you’ve both been eliminated from the race.” I guess maybe praying four times a day was a bad idea. I thought it was unusual that there were twelve teams instead of eleven teams this time around. Well, the mystery of the twelfth team has been solved. The Muslims were eliminated and it was only half way through the episode!

The next morning, the Triathletes noticed that Sarah’s leg was leaking hydraulic fluid, which is bad news because apparently this is something that Peter can’t fix in the field. I was shocked that McGyver couldn’t just mix some chocolate milk with spit to refill the fluid. Whatever. Teams headed to the race’s first Detour. Surprisingly, almost all of the teams chose to do the more physical of the two challenges, including the Triathletes, even though the leg was leaking. After the Detour, teams needed to make their way to the Pit Stop at the foot of the Great Wall. The big twist for this race was a physical challenge, teams needed to climb the side of the wall to get access to the Pit Stop.

Sarah looked like she wasn’t going to be able to climb the rope using only one leg. The rope had foot loops built into it, but there was no way that the prosthetic leg could hook one of the loops. She would have to climb the rope using her upper body almost exclusively because of her physical limitation. At the beginning it looked like she wasn’t going to make it, but she got up the wall, slowly but surely. Her determination is definitely the story of this first episode.

The Druggies finished in first place and scored $20,000, Team Lesbian finished second, the Triathletes finished third, Miss America finished fourth, Rob & Kimberly finished fifth, the Cheerleaders finished sixth, the Asian Brothers were seventh, the Bitches were eighth, Alabama was ninth, the Coal Miners were tenth, and Team Karma was eliminated.

Last season the Amazing Race had some noteworthy and charismatic teams. Who can forget the Hippies and the Jocks (aka the Frat Boys). Well, all the teams in this race have some real personality. You can tell that the producers spent some extra time casting this time around. Also, they managed to find the gayest couple ever, really, in the history of mankind. Here’s some of the most interesting and hysterical comments and moments in tonight’s premiere:

  • “He can take care of me in a way that most men can’t take care of me” said Sarah in referring to the fact that Peter can, you know, fix her prosthetic leg with a paperclip and a bubble gum foil, McGyver-style.
  • “There’s no question, we will pull over and take five minutes and pray” said one of the Muslims and his brother’s eyes grew a little bit bigger. I’ll tell you what, the Muslim religion doesn’t sound like it’s conducive to racing. Christians can pray and run at the same time, but when you have to kneel, well, may Allah be with you.
  • Tension between one of the dating teams was high from the start. “Kimberly wants everything her way. She can’t control me, I am a human being and she needs to learn that” said Rob during the pre-race interview. This was an awkward moment for everyone, them, the producers, and the viewing public. I can tell that this team will be explosive, ala Jonathan & Victoria.
  • “It’s dangerous and I’m under stress. I’m fearing for ma life” said Dave from the Hillbilly team describing his work as a coal miner. Not funny, actually pretty scary when you consider that he looks like he can barely rub two brain cells together.
  • The understatement of the race prize goes to Duke when he said, “There’s just a little bit of disappointment as a father looking at Lauren.” At that point he burst into tears. Damn, that’s a little bit of disappointment. Get over it, she won’t procreate but she can adopt. What’s the big fucking deal.
  • The Miss America team are the prissy pageant girls of the race, which makes them the “smart” team compared to the Cheerleaders. “We both have the type of personality that we could have a conversation with a doorknob” said the Cheerleaders. I believe them.
  • And right on cue, the models on the race are introduced, which turn out to be recovering drug addicts. I therefore refuse to call them the models and will call them the Druggies. You know that the Miss America team won’t be seen with these guys, but you can bet that the Cheerleaders are fair game. I think a Druggie-Cheerleader hookup is in their future, unless they lie to Miss America about their past.
  • The bitchiness started early. “It’s not like I’m going to be sending Christmas cards to these people” said one of the members of the gay team, aka the Bitches, while getting a manicure no less. They are the gayest team ever. You know how in most gay relationships there’s one guy that’s more of a queen than the other. Not here. They are both bitchy queens that look like they will bring some serious drama to the race. By the way, I find it funny that Tom & Terry rhymes with Tom & Jerry. Whatever.
  • Phil said, “The last team will be eliminated” with an emphasis on the “will.” He normally says “may.” He also warned the teams that in this race, “there will be surprises you never expected.” This is setting things up for some mayhem later in the race.
  • “Right now we gotta get on the freeway and get on this flight to the homeland” exclaimed said Godwin one of the Asian Brothers, when Erwin said “We’re not Chinese, what’s the matter with you?” Surely he was playing up the drama factor for the camera and forgot.
  • After meeting the Muslims, one Cheerleader asked the other, “Do Muslims believe in Buddha?” and the other replied, “I don’t know” with a grimace. Oh, I can tell that there will be a lot of fun to be had at the expense of these poor girls.
  • The Asian Brothers filled up some water guns and started shooting the other teams when a TSA agent confiscated the guns and gave them a stern warning, “Those are not allowed.” They looked like someone peed on their cornflakes afterwards.
  • The Druggies complained that the Triathletes were able to pre-board due to Sarah’s leg. Everyone knows that the only thing that matters is seat location near the front of the plane on the race. Bitching about the pre-boarding just makes them look petty and bitchy. Looks like the rehab didn’t do wonders for their personality. Dicks.
  • As promised, the Muslims prayed, and at this point I still don’t think it’s a good idea.
  • Team Alabama, the African-America mothers, were complaining because the Triathletes ran past them at the airport even though they pre-boarded while getting on the plane. They’ve already promised to yield them should they have the opportunity. Damn, that’s fucked up. Just because they are not all fat and out of shape like they are!
  • Peter, one of the Triathletes, was visibly shaking while eating the fish eyes. I don’t know if it was the adrenaline or the fear of eating the fish eyes, either way it was pretty funny.
  • “I think the Model Boys, yeah, they’re attractive” exclaimed one of the girls from the Miss America team. Surely they don’t know that the models are ex-drug addicts. Otherwise, you know that any hanky panky would be out of the question.
  • The Bitches beat the Cheerleaders in doing the Chinese relaxation exercise. The Cheerleaders thought that they would kick ass at doing any kind of choreography, I guess not. Apparently, gay guys beat cheerleaders at pageantry.
  • I think that the Druggies are a little detached from reality. Tyler said, “I’m not using any of the loops…” After trying to climb the Great Wall without the rope loops for about two seconds, his hands shook and his legs quaked, he then says, “Okay, maybe I should actually.” Yeah, good idea when trying to climb 60 feet of an almost sheer rock wall. Idiot.
  • The Coal Miner’s wife hugged everyone at the Pit Stop because she thought that they were definitely in last place. With all the excitement of climbing the wall, and because they are kind of dumb, they were totally unaware that Team Karma was still trailing behind them. Good for them, but I think that they are going to be eliminated next.
  • Episode Stats

    Roadblock: Who’s hungry to stay in the race? One team member had to eat all the eyes out of bowl of fish heads to get the next clue.

    Detour: Labor of Leisure. In Labor, teams needed to use traditional equipment to pave a 45 square foot section of sidewalk in a specific pattern. In Leisure, teams needed to take a petty cab to a park to take part in a Chinese relaxation exercise in unison.

    Other Physical Challenge(s): Climb the side of the Great Wall to reach the Pit Stop.

    Yield: None.

    Fast Forward: None.

    Pit Stop: Juyongguan, China.

    Balls of the Week: Sarah, of the Triathletes, for scaling the Great Wall.

    Dumbest Play: All the teams that went to Thrifty Car Rental instead of Thrifty Airport Parking.

    Smartest Play: The Druggies for doing the Labor Detour right the first time.

    Funniest Moment: The Asian Brothers getting their water guns confiscated.

    Pick to Win: Miss America, I mean look at ’em!

    Next to Be Eliminated: Coal Miners.


    1. As a co-worker of mine has already noticed, I still don’t have a nickname for Rob & Kimberly. Team Doomed Relationship just doesn’t have a nice ring to it. Can someone please suggest a nickname for these two?

      #1 by Nugget — September 18, 2006 @ 9:49 am

    2. How about “the Forgettables”?

      #2 by Meerenai — September 22, 2006 @ 9:43 am

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