Below is a letter that a mini fridge seller wrote to the buyer of his mini fridge on Craigslist. I laughed so hard when I read it that I almost peed my pants. I think Mama actually wet herself this morning when she was reading it, which I didn’t understand at the time but now I know why. Craigslist posts expire after a few months and I thought that a piece of comedy this good had to be preserved for future generations. So, without further ado here’s a reprint of the full post:

Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady: The fridge doesn’t come with a pedigree!
Date: 2006-06-25, 8:44AM PDT

Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady:

I am honored that you chose my ad for a mini fridge out of all the ads you could have chosen. It makes me feel good that my mini fridge will be supplying you with the ice cold beverages you’ve obviously become accustomed to.

Next time you answer one of my ads, please note the following:

1. I am not Home Depot. If you travel thirty minutes to pick up a bulky 40-pound object, please come prepared with the necessary items you’ll need to secure it to your vehicle. Yes, I have rope. I have a lot of rope. I have many different colors and sizes of rope. No, you can not have my rope. The ad said I was selling a fridge, not a fridge with rope. Nor was I selling a fridge with padding so that the pleather seats on your piece of crap car don’t get marked up.


2. What part of ‘buyer must pick up’ in the ad was confusing to you? Yes, I have a vehicle. No, I don’t want to haul your fridge all the way to East BumbleFuck on the hottest day of the year. No, I’m really really sure I don’t want to do that. No, really. I’m sure.

3. Please call me only once with ALL your questions. I left for the day, and had 5 messages on my answering machine, the last one was at 10:30 pm. Frankly lady, you were sounding a bit too crazy by the end of the day. It’s a fridge. A small metal box that keeps shit cold. I don’t have the fridge’s family tree. For all I know the fridge’s was conceived by a slutty young Maytag that graced some hillbilly’s side porch. I don’t know the exact age of the fridge. I bought it a few months ago, I used it for a couple of days, ok, I lied, I used it a whole week. The fact is, you’re not buying a race horse, you’re buying a used fridge.

4. No, I will not knock $10 bucks off the price of the fridge because your anal retentive eyes picked up the ittiest, bittiest hairline scratch from across my driveway. I’m not making judgements on you, but I’m pretty damn sure Donald Trump didn’t send you across the country to pick up a used fridge for Trump Towers. Though I’d wager the whole concept of the mini-fridge bar is a familar one to you.

5. Yes, you can unplug a fridge without any harm to the fridge. Believe me, the fridge is fine. The manufacturers have figured out a way to extend the life of a fridge that has been unplugged. Yes, I’m absolutely sure of that. No, you did not have to leave 2 messages about your concerns with the fridge being unplugged, and frankly it was a little embarrassing having the same conversation with you in my driveway where my neighbors could hear.

6. No, I don’t have the operating instructions. I can write them down for you though: Plug fridge in. Open door. Put crap inside. Take crap out when it’s cold. Eat or drink crap.

7. I am not a fridge pimp. I don’t have any more fridges at that price. No, I don’t know where you can get another fridge at that price. Yes, I know it’s in great condition for the price, and I’m sure you’d like your other crazy-as-bat-shit-mini-fridge-buying-friends to have one just like it, but this is all I have. Here’s a thought, there’s this online classified ads website. Yeah, you may have heard of it, it’s called CRAIGSLIST. I dunno, maybe, just maybe, in this great land of ours, there’s another mini-fridge being advertised there.

8. Please remove my phone number from your address book. I think our relationship is over. Oh, and if you’ve added me to your AIM Buddy List, please delete me. Please. I beg you.

Yours truly,

The mini-fridge seller

2 Comments »

  1. That’s pretty damn funny. I love the craigslist “best-of” postings. Thankfully most people who buy/sell stuff on craigslist are sane.

    #1 by Meerenai — July 15, 2006 @ 7:37 pm

  2. oh my days what are you on about did you actually sell that fridge or are you just chatting rubbish it is only a fridge why make such a big deal n how old was the woman that brought the fridge cause she is THICK Even though it has no point it is absolutely harious xx

    #2 by Kelly n leigh — May 3, 2007 @ 6:43 am

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