Cruise in Trapped in the Closet

Tom Cruise threatened to boycott promotion of his upcoming Paramount Pictures film, Mission Impossible 3, unless Comedy Central pulled a “South Park” rerun lampooning the Church of Scientology. This is why the anticipated rerun of the “Trapped in the Closet” episode was pulled last Wednesday. Fuck ’em. If I were Trey Parker and Matt Stone, I would run the “Trapped in the Closet” episode daily until these bastards backed-off or Tom Cruise started to cry, whichever came first. The pair instead issued this irreverent statement:

“So, Scientology, you have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun. Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!”

Comedy Central, which like Paramount is owned by Viacom, declined comment on the rerun switch, other than to say: “In light of the events of earlier this week, we wanted to give Chef an appropriate tribute by airing two episodes he is most known for.” Uh huh, sure. They are just afraid of a lawsuit. I heard the Church of Scientology even tried to sue the Biography Channel for their report on Scientology that aired almost four years ago. Now, they are trying to kill Kenny–you bastards!

Scientology is a UFO cult that uses the legal system to squash free speech against them and get their way. Go to and draw your own conclusions. Let the million-year war for Earth begin indeed.


  1. hello there, i can’t emagine how educated people and celebreties can be so foolish to involve themselves in such a stupid organaization. surely they are high!

    #1 by Kenny — April 3, 2006 @ 11:37 am

  2. i can tell this is another masonic movement. just another game to get rich people fooled.

    #2 by the eye — April 3, 2006 @ 11:41 am

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