Dick Cheney’s travel requirements were made public today on the Smoking Gun. Among the things he must have are all the lights turned on, the room at 68 degrees, decaffeinated coffee, four to six bottles of water, and four cans of caffeine-free Diet Sprite. Additionally, the room’s televisions have to be preset to — wait for it, wait for it — Fox News. No mention was made of beef jerky, a shotgun, buckshot, a defibrillator, and a couple of floor mirrors to practice scowling and looking like a Dick. Apparently, he brings all that other shit himself.

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