CourtTV revealed today that Michael Jackson paid $23 million to his 1993 accuser. Court papers claim that Jackson paid the monetary sum for “alleged negligence” connected to the case. This new development could prove to be devastating to Jackson should the accuser, now an adult, decide to take the stand.

In a surprise move, Jackson’s legal team filed a $5 billion lawsuit in U.S. District Court against Satan, the “Prince of Darkness.” Court documents show that Jackson is suing Satan using his legal name, Lucifer, and 5 of his known aliases for breach of contract and seeks immediate injunctive relief from Satan’s oppression. Jackson’s lead attorney stated, “We know Satan can be a slippery character. He has an amazing defense team and we didn’t want him to get off on some technicality–we have all of our bases covered.”

The suit argues that Jackson entered into contract with Satan shortly before the release of his Off the Wall album. The contract with Satan should have enabled Jackson to “play with children forever, be the richest star on the planet, and become white.” Jackson argues that although he has achieved immortality he has developed an unsatiable affinity for young boys, which was not specified in the contract. It also states that he was the richest pop star in the world for only a few years and now cannot sell a song to “save his life.” Additionally, Jackson argues that although he has become white, he has lost his nose in the laborious process making him look like the host of Tales from the Crypt. Jackson’s lead attorney added, “We would like the immortality clause stricken from the contract. If we lose the ongoing criminal case and obtain a life sentence it could be devastating to our client. You know, living forever behind bars would be bad.”

A spokesperson for Satan stated, “Our contracts are iron-clad. We have been in business for over ten thousand years and feel confident about a favorable outcome for our client and his associates.” Satan could not be reached directly for comment, but sources state that he was heard laughing his ass off in the shadows while we interviewed Jackson’s legal team.

A judge is scheduled to rule on the injunctive relief early next month. Satan’s attorneys are expected to file a change of venue request in an effort to move the case from Los Angeles to Hades, which some of our sources say is located near Temecula, CA. These motions could set an important legal precedent for cases against Satan and his company, Diablo Associates, which are located on prestigious Riverfront Drive on the River Styx in Hades.

When hearing of the suit between the “King of Pop” and the “Prince of Darkness,” many Jackson fans stood outside of the courthouse chanting “The King Will Beat the Prince, The King Will Beat the Prince!” A priest witnessing the large demonstration stated, “the world is filled with misguided souls.” Amen.

3 Comments »

  1. nice read.

    #1 by yirga — June 16, 2004 @ 1:43 am

  2. You are one hell of a sick fuck.

    You just wait for the cross examination. Michael will be freed because he is INNOCENT, and nothing you or your silly little blog can do will stop that.

    #2 by Mary — June 21, 2004 @ 1:17 am

  3. Mary you ingnorant slut! Your fervent defense of Michael Jackson leads me to believe that 1) you are not a ten-year-old boy, in which case you would fear him and 2) you may already be the proud owner of picket signs that you use to rally outside of the courthouse on his defense.

    Have you even read the original 1993 case!? You can read it here. Get a fucking clue! You can be a fan of Michael Jackson’s music without wanting to kneel down and kiss the ground he walks on after sucking his dick! Because sadly, unless you are a ten-year-old boy you probably won’t get the chance! Sorry!

    #3 by Nugget — June 21, 2004 @ 3:54 am

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