I read this anonymous rant on the Internet about how kids today have no idea how easy they have it. It inspired me to post it with some added comments of my own:

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up: walking five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year ’round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local sweat shop where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But, now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of thirty-one, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today and say, “You young motherfuckers just don’t understand…”

When I was a kid “Home Alone” wasn’t just a movie it was a way of life! Our parents worked two jobs to keep up with inflation and were never home. Then later they lost all of their money in Savings and Loan scandals. That’s right, Reaganomics sucked!

We had to watch TV to survive! And we’re not talking 500 channels, try a black and white 14″ TV with a ghetto ass clothes hanger antenna and only five channels! Yeah, fucking Scooby Doo wasn’t brown, he was gray and we liked it! If we wanted to change the channel we had to turn a knob on the TV. The only remote control was to turn the bitch off with a “Clapper.”

Those were our choices.

That’s right, no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. D’ya hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for the good shit and wake up at the cracka to see it–the cracka dawn!!! If you overslept, tough shit try again next week! We weren’t retarded, we were just sleepy!

We didn’t have The Internet–we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! We had to deal with a deaf librarian, the shitty ass Dewey decimal system, and paper index cards to find the damn book we wanted. That’s if your fucking classmate didn’t find the book first and hold it for ransom. Life was rough!

If we wanted to plagiarize there was no cut and paste. We had to photo copy pages from the encyclopedia and take them home to type them out on a fucking typewriter! Have you even seen a typewriter–that was our life, man! If the library was closed–tough shit you’re done–repeat the entire grade, bitch!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter on a piece of paper with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox. It would take like a week or more to get there! By the time you got a reply to your letter you forgot what the hell you had asked in the first place.

No instant messaging either. If you wanted to send an instant message you had to yell at your little brother or sister and force them to run across the street through traffic to tell your friend the message! Yeah, we lost some kids but that was life! We didn’t ask why, we just accepted it!

And there was no Kazaa or MP3s! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Try sticking an LP Album under your jacket! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over half of it and screw it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn’t just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of “Hustler” at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog!

Those were your options!

Telephones had wires–all of them–everywhere! If you had to make a phone call away from home you stood in line at a pay phone and risked tuberculosis to make a call. And if you didn’t have a dime you waited to talk to people when you got home–end of story.

We didn’t have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn’t know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

There were no fancy Xbox or Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari! With games like Pong, Space Invaders, and Asteroids–the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! You could never win–the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed! If you didn’t like it you moved–that’s it!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy! You’re spoiled, you’re soft! You wouldn’t last five minutes back in 1983!

2 Comments »

  1. Well put. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Excellent post, Fabe.

    #1 by Jimnice — February 4, 2003 @ 10:39 am

  2. fucking hilarious

    #2 by Santiago — February 4, 2003 @ 11:36 am

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