After the collapse of the Soviet Republic, the Russian mob is trying to keep itself busy by fixing ice skating events. Pretty sad. Apparently that crazy French judge that robbed the gold medal from Canada during the Winter Olympics was not under the influence of crack–just fearing some good ol’ cracked ribs from some mob thugsters. |
“They drew first blood, not me…” Today I went to the dentist for my semiannual teeth cleaning and checkup. It wasn’t a particularly bad cleaning, but there was this small incident. While my dentist was cleaning a particularly tough spot he missed the tooth completely and gored me in the gums with a mid-size dental pick. Blood streamed out of my mouth and the sharp hook caused me so much pain that through reflex I closed my mouth with force–biting the dentist’s index finder. He was a little shocked, but even though it was an accident I didn’t apologize. No. Instead, I gave him this look that said, “yeah, uh huh, see what happens–respect motherf***er.” Somehow, I have a feeling that the relationship between me and my dentist has changed forever. |
Our friends, Lisa Gabaldon and Jayson Santos, are engaged to be married–you heard it here first. Congratulations to the happy couple! |
The market rallied up more than 5% today and it gave me hope that it will continue to go up. Now I only need the Nasdaq to shoot up 3,000 points and I’ll make all of my money back (insert laughter here). A little sarcasm heals the soul. I think I’d be better off throwing up $100 Yo’s at the craps table. |
Ohio congressman, James Traficant, was expelled from the House of Representatives last Wednesday for comitting nine ethics violations. He is currently awaiting federal sentencing for corruption charges. Surprisingly, it wasn’t for bringing a squirrel into the Capitol building, seen here on his head. I know there are people with bad haircuts and hairpieces in the world–but this guy deserves an award or something. |
I thought that all of the miners in Pennsylvania were screwed–but the rescuers got them all out alive. Big ups. |
Ok, so you are out of a job and the economy sucks. The company you worked for has shut its doors and people can’t even verify your employment. Well, you could always change your job title. |
I just read that a fat guy is going to sue three major fast food chains for not warning him that he could get fat eating their products–gimme a break. I am sure he is failing to mention that he eats six times a day and the only part of his body that he exercises is his mouth. Jeez. What’s next, are skinny-ass anorexic people going to sue Vogue and Cosmopolitan for showing waifs that pass for models and not warning them that the only way that regular girls can maintain that figure is to throw up their food after they eat it? |
It’s about time that corporate executives that commit fraud are criminally charged instead of hiding behind the corporate shroud. Still, they are prosecuting only the biggest offenders and there are a lot of small fish that will continue to go unpunished. That’s too bad because there are plenty of people that would love to see this cockhandler (the fat bastard next to Arnold) in prison. Not a white-collar prison, no, no, no, a Federal “pound me in the ass” prison. By the way, if you haven’t done so already, see Office Space. |
Two guys from the company I am auditing, Guidant Corporation, offered to take me on a mountain bike ride today–so I accepted (first mistake). I expected us to go out late afternoon as the Sun was going down, instead they advised me that they are ready to go at 11:00AM. Great!? This was already looking bad as I saw birds outside sweating, but not wanting to be the party pooper, I said “let’s go.” By the time we arrived to the foothills near Lake Elsinore it was high noon and the temperature there was much cooler than Temecula–90F instead of 105F–woohoo. By this time my excitement for the ride was overwhelming–not! I had a borrowed bike from this guy that’s like 6ft tall with a huge frame, had a borrowed helmet, no sun block, borrowed sunglasses, and a 16oz. bottle of Gatorade. These two guys both had 90oz. Camelbaks, full racing gear, and a certain look of determination that I certainly was lacking–I was hoping or some wind. |
I will be returning to Temecula (or Hell’s Gate, as I like to call it cause of the heat) today for a short two-day stay returning on Friday night. I only hope that as the temperature reaches 100F and the gates of hell open underneath the city, that Duke Zorn’s minions don’t find me. Note: Duke Zorn, like Baal, is Satan’s Lieutenant and lives in Southern Florida. He works at Central Data Inc. during the day and at night commands the forces of darkness. He races watercraft in his spare time. Mr. Zorn screwed me by delaying a shipment of SUN Servers once, and yes, that’s his real name. |
Well, I received this email from an ex-iMinder in response to a group posting in which I said that a person should pull a stick out of their ass: As for hit a delete key and get the stick out of your ass, that sounds right After attempting to decipher this incoherence I came up with this response, but I must confess that I still haven’t mastered this new language: I like you 2 ex-iminder. I likes you wish for moolah and hoes. Bong water deep so wow you swimming hard. I hope all hoes go 4 you too. If helmet and home when you falls off motor bicycle head damage look out now. worry me mucho Fabian G |
I was surprised to find out that there are a bunch of ex-iMinders that no longer have a sense of humor. Granted some of these folks came much later in the saga, but it is still disheartening to know that the working wounded are too scarred to laugh. Like my friend says, it’s like the classic line in Hotel California, |
Larry O’Brien wrote a Haiku about iMind, the dot-com we both worked at, and it insipired me to make an iMind Haikus page. If you are an ex-iMinder you definitely will enjoy this. |
 I was talking to someone on the plane yesterday while returning to SF and had a flashback to a bad Japanese Toilet experience. I thought that as a public service I would give everyone access to this extremely helpful how-to guide. By the way, if anyone wants to hear the details of my near-tragic experience, please let me know. |
After two weeks in hell (well, actually it was Temecula), I am back in San Francisco. It’s like jumping out of the fire and into the freezer. But, very glad to be home. |
Larry O’Brien wrote a short story about dot-com excess for a cancelled conference appearance. Rather than let the document go to waste, I have posted an excerpt of the story on the iMind Parody site. On a related note, I saw in the news that stock options are officially coming to an end. That’s a news flash! It’s only been two years since the bubble burst. I was screaming “show me the money” back in 2000. Money talks, bullshit walks. |
 People are flocking from all over the place to get to Encinitas, CA to smell the stink of a big flower. The flower does look pretty impressive, but there would be no way in hell that I’d travel to smell it. If I want to smell a “stinky bloom” I just eat a lot of beans and wait for the aftermath. |
Scrubs is one of the best shows on TV. If you have a TV, check it out. If you don’t, you wish you did–you know who you are. In case you haven’t already noticed, I am bored shitless. |
 Allen Iverson is not a Thugee Guard. However, he is a “thuggy” guard of the NBA variety. Another well-known thuggy guard is Gary Payton. Thugee Guards are the henchmen of Mola Ram in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, seen here beating some slaves. Anyway, Iverson was arraigned on charges he stormed into a cousin’s apartment with a gun and threatened two men while looking for his wife. Bear in mind that this is the same woman that he had thrown out of his house butt-necked the day earlier. Check out the story. “You can take the homie out the hood, but you can’t take the hood out the homie.” |
